Life's Healing Journey...

So often I've heard these statements, "Surely, you should be over this by now; You need to put this in the past and move on with your life; Why has this had such a horrible affect on you? Why can't you get over this?"

There seem to be many cycles and phases which God has chosen for me to go through as I journey toward, and hope for, what most would call healing...
Confusion. Horrible fear, anxiety and brokenness. Times which I call my "black holes"--where nothing seems to be able to penetrate the never ending void of darkness. Periods of withdraw, even from those closest to me. Depression, and even oppression.

And...mixed in with all this...times when I seem to be doing well...the darkness is diminished...the sun shines in my heart...and life is good again...for a little while...

Maybe this is the way God has chosen for me to find complete "healing"...truly, I am one of a kind. God has made each of us unique in every way. I may not "heal" exactly like someone else might...there is no "One size fits all" in God's creation...

And...just maybe...healing isn't a destination. Maybe its a process where God brings something into my life that is humanly impossible for me to cope with which drives me to my knees, and to Him.

And...maybe He does this because of His total understanding of me. Maybe He knows nothing short of complete brokenness will drive me to my knees in search of a closer walk with Him...and...after all...that IS why He made me in the first place.

Recently, I feel I've been set back a bit from where I had much recovered and come out of the dark place I was in for so long. Feeling once again that darkness seems to be coming into my spirit. This has caused me to run to God to find my refuge, and the help I need to pull me out of it...again.

But strange as it may seem, these reoccurring bouts with anxiety and depression have become almost little "permissions" to withdraw again, and spend much time alone with God. Almost like little havens from intermittent storms. And isn't that what He tells me He is...my refuge...my present help in trouble...my Shelter in the time of storms? So why should it be strange to me that this would be exactly what He would want me to do each time I go though a different phase of my healing process?

There are many physical illnesses that take months, years and even lifetimes to go through, using checks and balances to control what's happening to the body. Could it be that the heart and spirit may need the same care from a loving and compassionate Heavenly Father, in order to bring His children to the perfection He sees in them that we can't yet see?

That IS the destination He has for us, isn't it? Being finally conformed to Perfection...to be like Jesus? Certainly it will take a lifetime for Him to accomplish this in us...

I was reminded from my little devotional today that much of my weariness is caused from fighting the relentless attempts of the world, the flesh and the devil to take control of my heart, my mind, my entire being. And, that His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses. He constantly reminds me in so many ways that I need to continuously reset my mind to be aware of His Presence and control of my life, and His intent and design to someday fully heal my brokenness...

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee...They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength."