Faith Or Fantasy...

Oh, Father, how I want to know You! 
Really Know You! 

Not just pretend I know You, while wishing with all my heart it was real.
Not just parroting or puppetting what I've seen or heard from from others or received through ancient archives from the past.

I want to know You the way You want me to know You while I'm still imprisoned in this world; trapped in this body of flesh which is helplessly bent toward anxiety and fear and doubt and falsehood and pretense.



There's nothing fulfilling or lasting in fake, put on "fantasy faith" .
What good is a "faith" that doesn't truly KNOW You, reach You, experience You? 

When I'm alone in my non-embellished world, where there's only my transparent thoughts, and the reality of my ACTUAL faith...if all I find is pretense...I'll find no perfect peace or comfort. 
Pretense may impress those around me, but it leaves me thirsty and empty and unfulfilled.

If all I have is "put on faith", then all I have to give others is emptiness, when You came to give real and lasting life. Please give me real, genuine faith. Faith that can only come from You.

Just a tiny glimpse of You would help relieve my fears, and release any hold this world still has on my affections. Then...maybe I could bring a bit of genuine, lasting light and life to others who may chance to cross my path, who are also seeking You.

You did tell us to be the light of the world...how can I give light if my faith is a mere shadow of someone else's fantasy?